What a Whopper!

I came across an article in my Parenting magazine called, "What a Whopper!" I was curious what it might say, since I have a preschooler who often says things he knows are untrue. I found the following statement interesting:

"Lillian was lying frequently, for kicks, and she'd never admit that a made-up story wasn't true. Should I insist on honesty, I wondered, lest she develop into a pathological liar? Or let it slide, to avoid crushing her creativity?
"The latter, apparently: The experts I quizzed about Lillian's tale were unfazed. 'There nothing wrong with her telling it.' says Michael Brody, M.D., a child psychiatrist in Potomac, Maryland. 'Very young kids don't know the difference between truth and fiction.'
"In fact, this type of lying can be a sign of good things. 'Preschoolers with higher IQ scores are more likely to lie,' says Angela Crossman, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York, who researched the subject. Early lying proficiency may also be linked with good social skills in adolescence."

In general, I found the article somewhat disturbing. At no point did they really emphasize the role parents have in teaching their children honesty. I got the feeling they were saying, "Don't worry so much if your toddler lies. He'll grow out of it just like everyone else." The problem is that many don't grow out of it. There are plenty of adults who lie, stretch the truth, or are dishonest in other ways. I don't want my children to be dishonest as they mature. In order for them to avoid that, I feel they need to be taught while they are young.

Now, I understand that there is a difference between telling a story for fun that he knows is not true and telling me a lie when I ask a direct question. For example, when we were driving down Highway 20, we passed a father and son who were walking together on the sidewalk. A minute later Ryan says, "I saw a little boy walking down the street with no daddy." I knew that wasn't true, but I was able to play along with it saying, "Really?!? That sounds dangerous" or something along those lines. Another minute later Ryan fessed up, "Not really. He was walking with a daddy, but no mommy." I understand that this kind of thinking is stretching his imagination, helping him understand the world around him, figuring out the difference between fact and faction, whatever.

But when I ask him in the morning, "Ryan, did you keep your diaper dry last night?" I expect him to be able to answer me truthfully. Sometimes he swears he kept it dry, but when I look at the diaper sitting at the top of the trash I can see (and smell) that he was nowhere near staying dry. The problem is that he knows keeping a dry diaper reaps the reward of a small piece of candy. So he answers what is most convenient, regardless of whether it is true.

I don't punish Ryan for lying in those situations, because I know that he is still quite young and is still learning what truth is. However, I do call him on it. I will point out that he did not tell me the truth, and that when I ask him a question he needs to tell me the right answer.

I guess my point is, yes, preschoolers are still very young and do not always understand the difference between truth and fiction. However, if you let it slide too often and too long, you may find yourself with a popular adolescent who has all the friends in the world, but who lies constantly to her parents and gets into a heap of trouble.