Same But Different

Today during church I couldn't help but notice how my boys entertain themselves in such different ways, indicative of their different personalities.

Ryan is quite the snuggler, and having his mother sit still for a full hour invites his attention. Today was no exception, and for most of the meeting Ryan was leaning against me or had his arm around me. Ryan also spent some time doodling. This, naturally, led to taking apart his pen, playing with the insides, putting it together without the grip, playing with the grip, taking the pen apart again, and finally assembling it back properly. Next, he investigated my pencil case, saving a piece of gum for after the meeting, straightening a paper clip, twisting it around, breaking it in two, and he finished off by playing with two thumb tacks.

Todd loves games. We have two small dry-erase board notebooks from the Dollar Tree. They were Christmas presents from my nieces. These notebooks are perfect for church. The past few weeks Todd has tried to initiate a game of hangman with me or Ryan and has ended up frustrated when neither of us would play. Ryan simply isn't that interested. I try to tell Todd that I will play a game with him at home, but when I come to church I want to listen to the message. Playing hangman is a little too distracting for me. Todd will often ask me to come up with a page full of math problems for him to work on. It used to be addition or subtraction. These days he asks for multiplication problems with a few division problems thrown in for fun. Today Todd used the dot-to-dot page in his wipeable notebook to make mazes. He still wanted to play a game with me, but it wasn't that distracting because it took him so long to create the maze. I was able to do the maze pretty quickly and without talking. The first few mazes Todd made were pretty simple. Then Todd had to make it more challenging, similar to a video game. First I had to get the shield, then I could go back and make it through the poison traps without getting killed.

Despite their differences, Todd and Ryan can play together nicely. Sure, they have their moments when they need a break from each other or when they are interested in doing different activities. More often than not, they realize that having a brother to play with is a great thing. This morning while I was getting ready for church the boys built a blanket fort in the family room. Since it has turned out to be a day of non-stop rain, I am glad that I let the boys keep the fort up. They have been playing together for the past hour since lunch--speaking kindly and fairly softly, cooperating with their plans and games, and using their imagination.

Watching them and listening to them play together warms my heart. I am so grateful that they are so close in age (16.5 months) and that they have continued to be buddies. My hope for them is that they will continue to be great friends as they get older--especially in high school when differences can drive people apart so easily. As adults it can be easier to recognize the value in having people who approach the world from a different perspective. I hope that each of my boys will appreciate their differences and see the strengths and value in his brother.

New Year's Resolutions

This past Sunday I taught the lesson in Relief Society (our women's group) at church. It is so much harder for me to create a lesson from scratch rather than using an outline or topic from a lesson manual. However, I feel it went well, though I was only able to share about half of what I came prepared with. The following is a summary of my lesson which I typed up for our monthly newsletter.

At this time of year many of us think about writing New Year’s resolutions. Many popular resolutions include losing weight, getting fit, eating better, managing finances, reducing stress, getting a better job, traveling, etc. While these are worthwhile things to work on, I hope that we do not lose sight of those things that are most important. In the gospel resource True to the Faith we read, “As you seek to be happy, remember that the only way to real happiness is to live the gospel. You will find peaceful, eternal happiness as you strive to keep the commandments, pray for strength, repent of your sins, participate in wholesome activities, and give meaningful service.” We learn this same principle in Mosiah 2:41, where we read that those who keep the commandments are happy and are blessed both temporally and spiritually.
As we set goals to change our behaviors let us keep in mind that we need the help of our Savior Jesus Christ and his Atonement. He can help us overcome our weaknesses and repent of our sins, and change our very nature. As we pray in faith we can gain insight on those things that are most important for us to work on. For some it may be focusing on your family history; for others it may be having more regular scripture study, more meaningful personal prayer, or holding regular family home evening. President Thomas S. Monson said, “When we remember that each of us is literally a spirit son or daughter of God, we will not find it difficult to approach our Heavenly Father in prayer. He appreciates the value of this raw material which we call life…. There is a teacher who will guide our efforts if we but place our faith in Him—even the Lord Jesus Christ. He invites us: ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest’” (“Your Eternal Home,” Ensign, May 2000, 52).
I hope that you will prayerfully select one or two things to work on this year that will help increase your faith in the Savior. Do not be discouraged with all of the things that you are not doing perfectly. Rather, recognize the good things that you are doing already, know that the Lord loves you as you are, and that he will help you become more like Him as you put your trust in Him. President Gordon B. Hinckley encouraged us in our efforts saying, “Changes may not be measurable in a day or a week or a month. Resolutions are quickly made and quickly forgotten. But, in a year from now, if we are doing better than we have done in the past, then the efforts of these days will not have been in vain” (“An Humble and a Contrite Heart,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 88-89).

If I took the time to really think about everything I would like to see myself doing differently this year (you know--exercising, blogging more, organizing my photos, sending out a Christmas card sometime this year, writing more personal thank you notes and birthday cards...) the list would be overwhelming. Even the example which I just shared is overwhelming. Rather, I plan to focus on one important goal this year: holding Family Home Evening every week, most likely on a Sunday evening (since I still plan on singing with my chorus group which meets Monday nights). I think the most difficult part will be finding a system for planning our "lesson" each week that will be easy for me to keep up with. Once I find out what works (through trial and error) I feel confident that I will be able to keep it going.

So don't be surprised if you never get that thank you note, birthday card, or Christmas letter and photo this year. Know that I am working on strengthening my family in the gospel but still thinking of you all in the process.

In Case You Were Wondering Where I've Been

I don't know about you, but I have had a hard time keeping up with all of my December activities. I had high hopes for doing special Christmas readings and activities with my kids each night. Unfortunately, I feel like I have been gone every other evening this month and have not been able to do half of the things with the boys that I wanted. On the flip side, as Brett reminded me, everything I have been doing has been fun. But while I have had fun and have enjoyed visiting with friends, I have felt over-scheduled this month and look forward to staying home more this coming week.

Here are some of the fun photographed events I have participated in.
Five choral performances this Christmas season--that's quite a few for our small group!


Playgroup graham cracker tree-train-house-or-whatever-you-like decorating activity. Ryan decided to go for the less-complicated graham cracker tree. I couldn't tell you how much candy he ate that morning, but it was at least as much as he put on the tree.

After finishing his tree, Ryan got to do what he was most looking forward to: dressing up like Darth Vader.

Anne and I hosted our annual cookie exchange, and had a huge group! I think everyone who attended had a pretty good time.

Yes, there are at least 1,368 cookies on those two tables. I realize that 6 dozen cookies is a lot to take home. But, if you were making Christmas cookies for you family, you would probably end up making two batches of cookies--that's about 6 dozen cookies. Also, with more than 19 types of cookies you may only end up with 2 to 4 cookies of each type. What a disappointment if you only ended up with ONE of the very best cookies you had ever tried. It's bad enough that I only ended up with about four of the Dipped Cherry Cookies (and, no, I didn't share).

Caroling at the Pavilion with Ryan's preschool class.

Isn't this about the cutest thing you have seen? Nobody told me that the "uniform" included jeans and long-sleeves.... As always, I let Ryan pick out his own outfit. I was just grateful that Ryan was willing to wear the Rudolph shirt that he made with his class that morning instead of his beloved Speed Racer shirt.

Ryan, smiling with his best preschool friend, Claire.

Ryan had to stop by the "Popcorn Tree" in the cafeteria. Ryan informed me that last year he ate some of the popcorn off the tree last year when we sang with our playgroup. If I can get my act together, I may try to string popcorn chains for our tree at home. I still have three days, right?

I couldn't believe that Ryan actually gave a hug to some of the residents we sang to. Little Amber was the best example of unconditional love, happily giving hugs and saying Merry Christmas to everyone. It was nice to see a little of it rub off on Ryan that morning.

Todd's teacher graciously allowed Ryan to participate in their gingerbread house decorating. Again, I couldn't tell you how much candy those boys ate compared with how much ended up on their trees. (Okay, I popped some candy in my mouth too while I watched them decorate.)

Caught you, Todd! You're not supposed to lick the knife. Fortunately, each child had his own container of frosting.

Beautiful temptations.

We went back to Todd's kindergarten class for their Christmas party. Again, Ryan was allowed to participate in the activities. The teacher split the kids by gender and had them pass around a multi-layer-wrapped gift while she played some music. When the music stopped, the child with the gift opened a layer of paper which revealed a small surprise (candy, for the boys). That child left the circle with his surprise and the music started again. Todd and Ryan were the last two boys left. I was worried that Ryan might be the last one standing. I didn't want that happen, since he's not even a part of the class. Fortunately, Todd was the winner instead. He peeled off the last layer of paper to reveal a package of two Transformers Robot Heroes. What fun!

As if I had not seen enough cookies this month, I made some Pecan Puffets to include in a little Christmas present for Todd's teacher. I was making those cookies close to midnight on the night before the last day of school. But, I got it finished, and I thought the final result was quite darling. It included some packages of gourmet hot chocolate, some apple cinnamon herbal tea, and a sweet Christmas ornament that Todd picked out from our local Hallmark bookstore and signed on the back.

Back at school again for the Kindergarten Christmas program on the last day of school. This time Oma and "Missy" Hall, a long-time neighbor/family friend, joined me. They gave the parents a chance to take photos at the end of the program before the kids left the risers. I managed to snap a photo of the craziness with Todd actually looking at me. (He's wearing the red and white striped polo shirt.) I was happy to see that Todd sang the songs even though he was kind of shy about it.

My favorite part about the Christmas program is probably the practicing that Todd did in preparation for it. They learned "Silent Night" in sign language. Todd sang it quite a few times at home and taught me how to do the signs with him. I loved singing and signing "Silent Night" with him or just watching him sign the song in our quiet house just before bed. It warms my heart.

Just this weekend I attended a birthday party for my friend, Anne. Happy 30th, Anne. You're still a Spring chicken as far as I'm concerned.

In addition to the above photographed events, I also participated in various Relief Society activities, weekly piano lessons, Brett's work Christmas party (unfortunately, without Brett, as he was stuck in Pensacola working until late and had to miss the boat for our dinner cruise), a neighbor's Christmas party, church choir rehearsals and performances (this week and last week), and a little bit of Christmas shopping thrown in just for fun.

On top of all these activities, after an emotional night last night, I was in need of some good down-time. I found it in the way of hanging out with Mark and Donna. Brett suggested that we go over there earlier in the afternoon. We all sat around in the living room watching Kellie and Todd play Mario Kart on the Wii, followed by a little Mythbusters. Brett went home to try to get some more rest, but the boys and I stayed, ate dinner, and watched The Incredibles with the rest of the family. It was so nice snuggling on the couch with everyone. Mark was on the recliner with 12-year-old Kellie asleep in his lap; Donna was on one side of the sectional couch; and Todd, Casie, Ryan, and I were snuggled on the other side. Ryan and I took turns being a pillow for the other, and it was just what I needed.

I hope to fit in a few more evenings like that this week.

An Evening With the Missionaries

Last Sunday the missionaries asked if they could stop by in the evening and share a message with us. I had thought that it might be a message about how we needed to share the gospel more with our friends and neighbors. To be honest, I was a little nervous about how Brett might receive a message like that. I accepted their invitation to come over anyway, and was glad that I did.

The missionaries are not able to go tracting (door-to-door) after dark, and because there are still hours in the day where they could do some good, they decided to spend some of that time being a support to the members. They shared a message with us based on 1 Nephi 3:7, about how the Lord will strengthen us to do what he has asked.

The missionaries directed much of their words to the boys, and taught this simple message to them. The boys were participating and interacting well with the missionaries, for the most part.

Occasionally, Ryan would say something random (off-topic, of course) that he thought the missionaries might enjoy hearing about. Sometimes Ryan asked them things like, "Do you want to see my room?" or "Do you want to see this toy that I have?" During this time Ryan was also climbing over and between the throw pillows and generally not sitting quietly, although he was still paying attention. I apologized to the missionaries about these interruptions and asked if they experienced this often. They said they did. I replied that at least Ryan had not shared anything embarrassing yet.

The missionaries concluded the portion of their message directed at the children, then told the boys that they were going to talk to Mom and Dad for a minute and ask them a question about the lesson. Todd quickly piped up, "But don't ask Daddy. He doesn't read the scriptures. You can only ask Mommy. She reads the scriptures, but Daddy doesn't." I laughed and observed, "Well, I guess it wasn't Ryan who said something embarrassing after all." Fortunately, Brett does not get embarrassed that easily and he took it well. We were able to move past the awkward moment quickly and still enjoy the rest of the visit.

What surprised me about our visit with the missionaries was how much the boys really enjoyed it. The next day at preschool Ryan said to his friends, "Do you know who came to our house last night? The missionaries!" I also heard him saying this to his friend Maddie the next day as well as a few other people.

It made me realize that I really need to have the missionaries over more often. They were not in our home for very long, but I was grateful that they chose to spend those few minutes sharing a simple message with our family that Sunday evening.

Identity

The topic for this post has been on my mind for a few weeks. It came up at my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting last month. We were talking about identity, specifically about how so many mothers struggle with discovering who they are after they have children or remembering who they were before. This comes up quite a bit in groups like these. We (mothers with young children) are reminded to take care of ourselves, figure out what we enjoy doing, take time to do those things, talk with other moms, etc. Our speaker at that meeting was talking about the different roles we have: mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, employees, caregivers, teachers. She also emphasized the role we have of "woman" without the attachment of these other roles. Can we define who we are without including the relationships we have with other people?

I always tend to zone out when conversations lean this way. Not because I don't think they offer some valuable advice. I just don't relate very well. We talked about the speaker in our small group discussion. A few of the women talked about their struggle with figuring out who they were as mothers. I wanted to know if there was anyone who didn't have this same struggle. Am I weird because I didn't lose sight of my self? I shared my perspective--how using my talents and interests with my children, especially with music and reading, helped me maintain them. I was hoping for some reassurance that there were others like me, but I was left with some blank stares.

Since then I have done some introspection. Did I struggle with my identify at some point, and have I forgotten about it already? If not, what made the difference? Am I too simple-minded or boring? Or do I have some strength of knowledge that has helped me know who I am? I like to think it is the latter.

I think it boils down to faith and knowledge of the gospel. From the time that I was little I was reminded of my true identity--that of a daughter of God. Because I am truly his daughter, he created my spirit, and I have inherited divine qualities. This sounds trite, but I know it's true. Each one of us has been blessed with certain gifts and talents. Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was encouraged to figure out what my gifts were early and to work on developing them. Of course, there are some gifts that we won't discover we have until we are put in certain situations. We discover our weaknesses along the way as well, but we recognize the resources we have to overcome those weaknesses.

Working on programs in the church like Personal Progress gave me opportunities to try new things, to develop my faith, and discover my gifts. I have also learned more about myself and increased my faith as I have served in the church. I have enjoyed developing friendships, learning more about the gospel, and seeing how my talents and gifts can bless others. All of these things have worked together to make my life full.

I have a purpose, a long-term goal of improving myself and returning to my Father in Heaven. I have not lost sight of that most-important goal in the different phases of my life: living at home with my parents, college student, young (poor) married woman, full-time working (not-so-poor) married woman, mother of infants, and my current role as a mother of a preschooler and kindergartener.

It helps that I saw the value of motherhood early on. I have wanted to be a mother from the time that I was a young girl. I knew that it was important to have a good education, and being a college-graduate was was one of my goals as well. But ultimately, I wanted to be able to use my education to help care for my future family. Becoming a mother was always part of the plan, and maybe that was another reason it wasn't so difficult knowing that I could still be "me" and a mom at the same time. I think I would've struggled more if I had not married or had children. Even then, I hope I would have had the faith to recognize that God still had a plan and a purpose for me, regardless of what my plan was.

My biggest struggle has been finding time to work on all of those things that I would like. When my babies were babies it was hard to find time to sing in a chorus. I have been singing in a community chorus for a few years now, but I still find it a challenge to sit down and really practice the piano. However, even with young children I was able to both sing and play on occasion at church.

I keep a running list of things that I would like to do (see, Lisa, I don't think you're so weird in that respect): books I would like to read, recipes I would like to make, projects I would like to sew or cross-stitch or needlepoint, crafts I would like to make, photos I would like to organize and scrapbook, flowers and plants I would like to grow, far-away and nearby places I would like to visit, languages I would like to learn (German and Spanish), songs I would like to play or sing.

Does the fact that I don't have time for all these things right now change who I am or what my interests are? No.

Ultimately, as I focus on my faith, my identity is confirmed. I am a daughter of God. That will never change. The more I focus on strengthening that relationship by praying, studying, and righteous living, the happier I am and the greater is my vision of that which is most important.

Name These Names

This morning the boys were in and out of the room where I was trying to watch General Conference via the Internet. I much prefer to watch it on a TV, but since our family does not subscribe to cable or DirectTV and our local church satellite was not working properly I was left with little choice. Although I did not get to watch as much live conference as I had hoped, I did get to watch a little. I still hope to go back and view the sessions that I missed. Maybe I'll report later on some of the things that struck me most. . . Maybe.

Anyway, Todd noticed something that I found kind of funny, if a little disrespectful. As we were watching the prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, speak, Todd must have also been thinking about our late prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley. He said, "Mom--Thomas, like Thomas. And Gordon, like Gordon." That was all he had to say before I clued in to what he noticed. A minute later Todd says, "And Henry, too." So, let me put what Todd noticed into a little trivia.

Can you tell me what the first names of the members of the current First Presidency and the members of the previous First Presidency have in common? And which of these names does not belong?
Gordon
Thomas
James
Henry
Dieter
[See the comments section for the answer.]

Nuggets of Wisdom

I have amazed myself by reading about three books in the last three weeks. I have always enjoyed reading, but don't usually manage to find the time to do it as often as I would like. Last week's book was The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale. It is a retelling of the Grimm's Brothers' fairy tale of the same name (which I had never heard of). It was a sweet book, and I enjoyed reading it. I was kind of sorry when I finished it.

This week's book was Rosanna of the Amish by Joseph W. Yoder. I was given this book by my mom many years ago. In fact, my maiden name is printed on the inside cover. I had never read it, and decided that it was about time I did. It is another young adult book (my prefered genre of late). It tells the true story of a girl raised in the Amish religion. It is told by her son, and describes the life of the Amish from birth to death. It was interesting, and I enjoyed learning a little more about the Amish people and their customs, but the book was not exactly "entertaining". However, there is one paragraph I wanted to share from this book.

I find it interesting that although I have been doing pleasure reading lately when I should probably be doing more scripture reading, I am still occasionally able to find words of truth that speak to me. Often these insights are just what I need to hear. Perhaps I find these nuggets because my thoughts are focused on a particular subject and I pick up on them as I read.

This nugget takes place in the book when Rosanna's husband is chosen to be a minister in the church. The words spoke to me as I consider a possible new calling in my own church.

"Bishop Peachey was especially helpful. He knew from experience what a staggering blow it was to a member to assume the duties of minister, and preach the Word of God without any particular training or preparation. But he assured Little Crist that, heavy as the burden seemed now, as he began to apply himself to the study of the Word of God, and as he understood the Scriptures more and more and became experienced in preaching the Word, the consciousness of doing the will and the work of the Lord would so lighten the load that someday it would transform these burdens into the joy of service.
"Crist pondered these wise and sympathetic words during the days that followed, and they slowly lifted his burden and gave him peace."

This describes my general feeling about callings in church and why I am usually willing to put so much time into them. Though at times it may feel like a burden, I recognize the joy that comes from service. However, before you begin something new there is always a little trepidation and uncertainty as to whether you will be able to accomplish what is necessary. It is sometimes hard to have that hope of joy in your service. But I know that it always does come with time.