Mothering in Reverse

I was not an overly-protective mother of my infants. My boys were sleeping in their own room by the time that they were a few weeks old and I seldom went in to check on them unless they were crying. I did not check on them regularly "just to see if they were still breathing".

For one thing, I didn't want to risk waking them up and not being able to get them to go back to sleep. I did get "caught" a few times, and that was miserable. I had gone into the nursery for one reason or other, I heard the baby stirring then sitting up to investigate, I ducked down so he couldn't see me, and had to stay ducking on the floor trying to figure out how to crawl back to the door without him figuring out that Mommy was in the room. It took up to 20 minutes before I was confident that the coast was clear.

Also, after caring for them all day long I was ready for my own time.

So, why is it that now that my boys are 3 and 4 years old I check on them before going to bed almost every night?

For one, I am no longer afraid of waking them up and not getting them back to sleep. They are both rather sound sleepers, and if they do wake up all I have to do is say, "Good night, Sweetie. Go back to sleep." A few times Todd has asked, "Mommy, what are you doing?" I reply, "I'm just checking in on you and saying 'good night'." That is good enough for him. In fact, I rather like hearing a mumbled response to my "I love you."

Also, now that I have more of "my own time", I find that I miss some of the snuggling that comes with younger children. I see how quickly the boys are growing, how tall they look all stretched out in their beds, and I am afraid of missing this time. They look so sweet and peaceful. I try to breathe in that baby cheek-to-cheek smell while I still can. I know I won't be able to much longer.

Time for me to sign off. I need to go check on my babies.